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Demetri Martin does not have a twitter (but he should)

November 2, 2010

At his Boston performance in the past week, Demetri Martin laid down a sweet story about how twitter employees don’t understand the word “parody” and the dangers of having an impersonator. I want to say, first, that I am frankly shocked and appalled that this video hasn’t been pulled yet.

Second, I’ve seen lesser twitter accounts, with barely more than a single tweet, that have hundreds or thousands of followers just because they have “Demetri” somewhere in the username. Examples: One, two, three. People will follow anything they think might have half a chance of being the real deal. So until there is an official twitter, officially verified and officially linked to on, people will keep making twitter accounts and, worse than inviting people backstage at shows, will use their borrowed celebrity status to convince naive teenage girls to meet up with them for real. It will be unpleasant.

Yes, twitter is gay. It’s pretty much like turning over the rocks of human existence, only to discover the bottoms coated with the most uncleverest, brain-dead, and creepiest imaginings of the masses. God save us from the average person trying to come up with their own jokes.

Here’s the thing, though, with celebrity twitters: They get so many followers that it’s totally OK to not respond to anyone, or update once a week, if that. Check out Justin Timberlake. It’s pretty much all advertising for his various projects or charity, and probably doesn’t even read his followers tweets, much less reply to them. He, like many celebrities, use twitter solely to control their own image, and promotion. The cheapest PR ever. It lets your fans know that you’re still out there, working on things.

So, Demetri, talk to twitter again, get DemetriMartin for yourself and verified, and get a friend or whoever to update it periodically, while ignoring all @Mentions at your own discretion. In the end, the pros far outweigh the cons.

Update: He did exactly this, right down to ignoring all @Mentions. Check him out at @DemetriMartin.

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